RELEASING PERFECTIONISM

"Perfectionist" was a label placed on me from an early age. Some of my healthier traits like "competitive," "detail-oriented," and "organized," ultimately manifested into unhealthy expecations I placed on myself. With poor, self-deprecating beliefs about myself, being "perfect" was a way to challenge these beliefs and prove to myself that I wasn't a failure. But because perfection wasn't possible, I found myself in a never-ending loop of feeling not good enough because I couldn't reach expectations that were impossible to meet. Further, perfectionism felt like a way I could control how others perceived me. If others thought I was perfect, maybe they would like me better than I liked myself. It makes me cringe looking back that I lived with such ill thinking, but I know I am not alone in having struggled with this type of dead-end internal battle.

I had always been reassured that "nobody's perfect" or "we all make mistakes." But this did not make me feel better, and honestly, it only lit a fire in my perfectionism because I wanted to prove those words wrong. It wasn't until I questioned and dissected what exactly being "perfect" meant, that I was able to change the belief system I felt stuck in.

What is "perfect?" What does that word even mean? A perfect life to the person I was in high school might've been one that consisted of a nice house, three kids, and a career in research. A perfect life to the next person might be one with abundant money, travel, and tons of friends. To say someone or something is perfect has the potential to mean completely different things to different people. If everyone has their own interpretations of what "perfect" looks like, does the word even have any true meaning? And if "perfect" isn't true, what is the point of trying to obtain it? It looks and feels different to everyone. When I thought about perfection in this way, I realized that the concept of perfection and imperfection doesn't even exist. And it doesn't exist because it is not attainable, but because there is no truth behind what it means. If not everyone agrees on its definition, the word and concept of perfection has no power and therefore, ceases to exist.

Inspired by author Don Miguel Ruiz' ideas about perfection, I began to wonder: Why was the message always "you can't be perfect" and "everyone makes mistakes," instead of "imperfection doesn't exist."

What is perfect and what is imperfect is so open to interpretation that altogether, it has no meaning. Realizing this helped me pull the power away from perfectionism and back into acceptance; accepting who I am at my core and learning that my worth does not come from what I achieve. It was such a relieving experience for me to accept that me just being me was beautiful and real and purposeful, simple because I exist.

We do not have to earn our value. We already have it. Striving for perfectionism is attempting to seek value and reassurance and worth from others, or anything outside of ourselves for that matter. The value we have already exists within us, and fortunately, there is nothing we can do that takes that away. We just exist. Learning and understanding these beliefs truly helped me escape the loop of never feeling like I was good enough. It is the greatest, most free and powerful feeling to give up playing a game of perfectionism that you can never win.